So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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