Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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