I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He shit in the fireplace
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