I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
