he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
