i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
