He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we're making bets on your personal life
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I love you. Go after that dick
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
