I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
