The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
