The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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