he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
