fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
