Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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