even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
