But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
