I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He passed out mid-signature
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
