direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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