just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
