Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
