3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
