I got chris browned last night
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
