bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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