I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
