getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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