Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
