I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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