OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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