omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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