thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
