I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
