oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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