I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
