Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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