Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
