ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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