Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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