____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
