Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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