someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i think i have herpe
just one?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
