At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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