The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
