i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
