I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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