My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
