He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
