I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
