My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
