we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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