Your dad touched me again.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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