Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
