so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
