I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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