she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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