I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
