If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
