I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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