I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
