HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you will always have a special place in my vag
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
