Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
