Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
