You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
