clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
