Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
