you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize