ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
