did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize