You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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