mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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