I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
