My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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