I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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