oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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